Cadmeian dream where do you hide,
dream of founding conquerors?
Novel ideas glinting beside
innovative conjurers;
Narrative man, marionette,
dance a jig we haven't seen.
Reveal things we'll never forget
when their forms in shadows lean.
Discovery bright magnetize
kindred soldiers to a fate
Inspired, driven to strategize
campaigns toward something great.
Where's the ancient magic now,
once from caves of numinous
Mystique? What are we to allow
prophecies so ruinous?
Almost everything is given,
leading us, fascinated
To the hollow shells we live in:
blank slates, deracinated.
Almost everything we're burning,
and we know the fuel won't last.
We're capable of discerning
danger but speeding too fast.
What have we left now that we've thrown
it all in for knowledge? We
Toil to relearn what we've disowned
pursuing technology.
Technology is not what matures
insights, compassion, or trust;
Rather it's a pipeline for tours
of infrastructural rust.
Culture is gone America,
schizophrenia and ads:
Our tradition generica
of attention-seeking fads.
Recognition at any price;
everything exists to sell
Cult-of-personality heists,
hallmark of our living hell.
What's authentic and what is not,
and more importantly—who?
This pre-apocalyptic spot:
nothing revealed, all on view.
Systems and secrets, sabotage
lurking at the rainbow's end
Sculpt from the mists a drab mirage,
and the powers play pretend.
Or are we the real pretenders,
gaming life to build a sense
Of importance? We upenders
who'd shake up our portents' fence?
Flattened, diluted, left to run
aimlessly, as in a dream
Whose conditions are cunningly spun
for a big business's scheme.
So what are we, and who am I,
what makes of me a Cadmus?
Why should people rally to my
ideas of joy and sadness?
Yet Cadmus did know who he was,
let his nation come from fate;
Clearing my own self-concept's fuzz
is enough to contemplate.
Tag: growth
Dragon’s Teeth in Theban Soil
My love's an artist whose central goal
Is to conjure a collective around him
Who would unite to make him whole.
Feeling his friends' successes surround him,
He's struck out in many modes,
Resentment growing as silence confounds him.
He missed the decade of steel-clad odes
To vaudevillian death and displays
Of flame and sparking electric nodes.
But really he wants a legion which stays
Loyal to something he can hold,
Be it him or some movement ablaze,
He needs something to help unfold
The riddle of his history.
He needs help, his story's untold.
It's all that he insists to me,
He needs a following but seems barred
From all contact. Is this to be
His life, spent in disregard,
Ignored and obscure, unimportant
And immured in paintings charred
And dumped in some landfill assortment?
I try to tell him, but what do I know,
Attentions are fickle and discordant.
He's sure he'll die with nothing to show,
No idea or accomplishment
To force the world to take a slow,
Long look at his complement
Of nightmare arches and windows,
To see his soul in astonishment.
The myth and magic held within those
Doors to worlds beyond our own,
He searches despondently for symbols,
Figures which he hopes to clone,
Bridges he would replicate
To make a way from his corner alone.
The moments passing dessicate
The prison cell we'll call his domain.
Who'll succor as we supplicate?
He'd build the mechanical train
Of automata Daedalian;
If no one else, they'd remain.
They would be his daily in-
struments and aides, but could they talk;
Could he discuss the salient
Values of being as they walk
Together on the river's shore?
They might only tell like a clock.
Of course the interpersonal core
Demands what senses cannot say
Without the heart to give them more.
Conversations gunmetal gray
Sting when brought into the light.
Rather bring him a band to pray
With and feast the sacred rites
Which keep a spirit's wavelength true;
Brothers to make love worth the fight,
A legendary army who
Found strength in war and love alike,
The kind that ancient Thebes once knew:
Lovers poised to fiercely strike
Side by side in phalanxed ranks,
Surviving by the spearhead's spike
And beloveds' shields protecting the flanks
Fate has chosen for them twice,
Earning and giving double thanks.
Nothing since approaches a slice
Of their bond, and yet a fraction,
Even only earnest advice,
Would help to vindicate his actions,
Any step toward a base
Of comrades he can call his faction.
He's still running, still in the chase
For eyes and ears to bring forth hands.
Frantic pursuit. What is this place?
There was only one Sacred Band,
Even the deepest attempt to scour
The world couldn't find that strand
Of bond, which until the final hour
Is ever loving, ever loyal.
Perhaps by bones with magic power
Fruit could flourish from his toil,
Dragon's teeth in Theban soil.
Touch me pariah
Touch me pariah,
It's not poison you give me.
Let's make, together.
He’s Isolated
He's isolated, without friends,
And then I realize so am I.
Employment gives me my supply
Of socialization, but spends
It on itself; likewise upends
Plans with Hayden or with Chris. Lives
Provide obligations to tie
Each one of us to his own lens.
It may be truly as he grieves,
A shared act of creation must
Be made for his friendship to leave
The dungeon of his spirit's rust.
He needs saving from desuetude;
He works too hard to rest unviewed.
Fulfillment
If I've learned one thing
About finding fulfillment,
And I'm far from it,
I'm certain it's a homestead
With land for muscovy ducks.
The Reason
Whip me
into shapes
of low, submissive
apology;
put your name
on each corner of the cudgel
you scour me with.
There's a reason—when it comes from you:
harsh reflections drawn from your own
dissatisfaction and insecurity,
the daunting vacuum of the future—
there's a reason it feels right
for me to take such heavy-
handed excoriation.
I deserve it.
When you hold peril above
my head, I remember my mother
pleading, what could she do for me,
and my barbaric answer,
kill me.
I look (admittedly with shame)
at the several scars up and down
my wrist and arm;
I recall
the frenzied self-inflicted batterings.
Life before you resurrected me,
I've told you, though it's impossible
to really know; but when your eyes
widen with insanity,
with mania,
with sick rage,
it's a mirror to my history.
Not only do I deserve the castigation,
you deserve the patience I got.
I had wanted less and less,
to be distilled into nearly nothing.
You want more and more,
to overflow with endless bounty.
Neither of us excelled to such extents,
but in self-abasement our tears are one.
Bash me with disdain
for wanting nothing more,
you have the right if I believe
that you should humble your expectations.
What's more difficult,
to grow from nothing into something, or
to shrink from dreams to a single datum?
Hopefully somewhere
in the middle,
where we draw each other,
is the right place for us.
Certainly it's more difficult
to be found in your circumstances,
nomadic, isolated, uprooted;
I can never fathom the horror
of watching your mother deteriorate,
jaundiced and dessicated until
she finally passed away.
Without Mom I would
have self-destructed.
You're right
when you tell me I don't know you.
We have our differences,
but I want to give you
the things I have that you never did.
Something I’m trying to hold onto
Always insisting
on the most extreme
nothingness,
Bitter and afraid—
not of being ignored,
you've never been noticed—
But of having to wait
in the incalculable queue,
already dwindling and gray.
Unwilling to gamble
living in vain (until when?)
you want another nothing? Now?
Nothing is nothing,
yet here you are:
something I'm trying to hold onto.
Splashes of colored ink,
papier-mâché fantabula,
cryptic libido,
Note taken of the yellow-
striped grasshopper
who climbed over your shoe.
Afraid of inertia,
quiet home days
indistinguishable from graves.
But we have luck, not pine,
we have four walls and more;
we have time.
Though we're aging, yet to emerge,
bottle up each vintage of art
with experience and tenderness.
Each episode
when I call you or you call me
in excitement, look!
The cardinal in the backyard tree;
the woodpecker
rapping on the windowpane.
We are small,
but we have small things
that can sustain us.
Since we weren't born
into great things,
let us accumulate
These tiny, common
miracles anyone
can have, yet these are ours
And ours alone;
when you dream of blood,
wake up beside me.
Problems of Experience
It's strange, I've always lived near water, but
I've never been on a wave-striding ship;
Never traveled on the char-belching train,
Nor to a metro ever descended.
I've flown twice, both times were quite unpleasant.
I did ride the bus once on a late night.
My own quandary of opportunity:
In some ways too much, others not enough.
Born into a lens both close and remote,
An existence both strange and typical,
A small life of idiosyncracies
Spinning on the fringe of a family,
Abiding in the shell of employment,
And scuttling among intimate sands
Which only a temporary few see.
Individuated yet standardized.
Delivered to concrete nurseries sat
On top of systems of gray tumuli.
The cloistered taste of a car ride to work,
The connectivity that bores straight through
Hearts of peoples, a cavern of fogged glass
Hazing infinite personal corners.
A secret trend of water which becomes
Grinding dust piling in obscurity.
Everyone's. Intimate universals.
I don't think it's hell anymore, but he...
And it's only because of him I don't.
He needs an assurance that I can't give,
A worth assessment I'm unqualified
To draft. Appraisals all proffered in vain.
The art of life hides in single vignettes,
In cringe-inducing squeaks of affection
Only one other is allowed to hear;
Which circumstances set the scene for that:
The way his eyes touch me across the room,
Two dorks who somehow found each other's life.
He begs me, how will I recreate him
When he succumbs at last to hopelessness;
How can I fashion his desire's likeness,
How characterize his need for purpose,
His sketching hands working wood waywardly,
His eye that shutters on rainbow fabrics;
I hope someday he comes around, accepts
Life as we could be sharing it right now.
He could unfold into so many sparks.
Rather than smoldering rage from the past,
He can rekindle brilliant burning tears
Dropped from a point-of-view only he knows.
Our problem lies in our experience.
What secret language is ours to convey
Nebulous commonalities distilled,
The nighttime jokes incomprehensible,
But in our bed makes laughter reign supreme.
Bike helmet with inverted cyclist crest.
If everyone has something they could share,
Is the key not in how these looks are framed?
We thirst for novelty of perspective;
What's something only we'd know of?
Did you ever hear the one about the
Famous Satanist? He Thelema dick.
In June
In June he plants
His pennant upon
My abdomen.
At night I find
Connections come at
The right time.
But warmth can soon
Fade into coldness.
Surprise doubt
With repetition,
The right time
Is one replayed
In devotion
Time and again
Until it is known.
Myrtle and Magnolia
The master grafted
A myrtle branch to a bough
Of magnolia;
At times more white blooms than black,
But the forms their mixture makes!