Once, upon a depressing afternoon Spent absorbing myself in tumults wrought Of sorrows belonging to others And pleas I am helpless to succor, I decided to take a walk, though soon Rumination would dominate my thoughts. I had known that I wouldn't cease or stem My despairing, not just for them of course, My friend who was told that the next year He wouldn’t return, wouldn’t teach there At his school; nor my friend's aunt dying from Hashimoto's disease, so on, so forth; But I felt for myself, so impotent, Barely able to keep myself alive, And inward I turned my concern, and Felt shameful and always returned in Thoughts recoiling upon my shame; they rent Me apart. I felt alien, aside. There downstairs the indifferent world in green Seething life held luxuriating court, And I with my hat pulled low entered The summer environment's tender Air, on edge underneath the graying mien Of the sky; there I tried my sad disport. Stepping down to the sidewalk I had felt So displayed to the windows, and below The hedges around the near corner I stayed for a moment or more for Refuge both from the sun and those who knelt Maybe watching, perhaps someone who knows? As I passed by the pond, the ducks had left; Nothing there, but in that, the entropy I knew I was not up to facing; I then would continue my pacing Not within just the summer heat but cleft Both the heats: that and my iniquity. Tennis courts and the parking lots, alone, So embarrassed, ventriloquizing all Indictments against me to every Particular thing that could levy Condemnations, be that an empty home, Animal or the humid breeze's sprawl. Then I froze in the hazy midday heat Once I saw that another walked ahead Of me to the parking lot, turning Away from my path; but the burning Fear of eyes, the dimension of deceit. He could never have seen me, still the dread. Omnipresent beholder of my life Lurking deep in the terror held within Reflections a passer-by's eyes are Observing with searing surmise or Scrutiny, and so ruthlessly the strife Presses me with my weakness as a sin. Solipsistic annihilator of Human race, it replaced with avatars For my paranoia and shame their Existence; and I feel my blame there And among the aspects afar, above: All of life might denounce me, leering hard. Glowering at myself from inside-out, Once I came to the lot I made my choice. Withdrawing towards my apartment, Withdrawing back into myself, and I, creating a looking-glass of doubt, Traveled in the miasma of that voice.
A place for my poems 